Quiet

My goodness. It is going to be a very quiet night tonight. I am all alone in my apartment. I am still trying to get used to leaving away from my family.

Here I am sitting infront of my laptop listening to music mixed with an occassional relentless buzz from the KJE. I wonder it is going to be another sleepless night coz it's going to be too quiet.

I am trying very hard nowadays...it is getting harder and harder....to enjoy the calmness of an environment. Frankly, i freak out sometimes. I hope I know the reason why I am behaving like this for these recent couple of years. I used to like quietness a lot and being alone.

I briefly looked into my yellow netted laundry sack, there is only a piece of black addidas shirt. It reminds me immediately to bring in the clean ones left hanging in the yard. Immediately, I bring myself to haul those clean laundry back into my room. I hanged some, I folded some. It is a very simple, mundane job that i have to do every 2 weeks and I have faithfully follow this regime. Though, this task doesn't require much brains or brawns but strangely it calms me quite effectively.

I like cooking not only because I am good (I think it is ok to occasionally brag about myself in blogs...) but it is something that allows me to focus and remain calm. These chores have such incredible healing effects that they can dissipate all crazy thoughts that whiz through my head. I find this so strange...since these chores have such good effects on a person's mind and well being why mothers and women complain.

Maybe, the reason I can't cope with the quiet is because my mind is constantly in the state of chaos. I knew it may sound a bit oxymoronic but I think i am correct. My mind is chaotic 24/7 these recent years. I cannot focus as long as and as I much as I wanted it to be. It is very common for me nowadays to think of irrelevant stuffs when I am working or having conversation with my collegues and friends. I simply cannot tame this monkey from jumping all over the place between my ears.

So instead of shutting my windows tightly when i sleep, I left it slightly open so that my room is filled with the constant relentless buzz from the highway that probably cancel out the chaos and noise in my mind. I guess this brings about the quiet in me. I may sound a bit oxymoronic again.... pardon me ..

What is quiet then? noiseless, soundless? i believe it is more like a state of mind rather than the sense of hearing.