Happiness.

I was told not to depend on others for my own happiness at all. I was told to seek happiness for myself before I can start to hope for opportunities to knock, miracles to happen, and wish of others to co-operate … which sometimes I felt this was perhaps a precarious quagmire as how to accept happiness where there is nothing to begin with.

I am souplad.

I will almost always do something for others which makes them smile and happy rather than doing things that I am happy with. Because I almost always preoccupied with my belief of making others, happy equates to my inner happiness, responsibilities and peace. Maybe that’s my upbringing …for those who know me well enough…. It’s my born responsibility and duty. It not easy to be me for the last decade.

My day will be perfect when I see my pa, mummy, chaey, bros, friends and her smiling. Am I depending on others for my happiness? I am still struggling to understand and currently incline to saying NO.

Should I do something that I am happy with albeit the creation of disturbing ripples to the surrounding? Should I proceed to pursue something that I think I will be happy rather than doing something for others; being mindful of others, which would make them happy… and reciprocatively, I will be happy?

But…. WTF…. Souplad exclaims!….. does that matter? Do I have to spare some brain capacity for these thoughts?

Perhaps selfishness is my innate talent, unaccepted by Souplad …yet still waiting earnestly to be polished, tapped and exploited.

I am happy with what I have written here. Happy with lingering pain. Happy with the playful breeze that slips past the clouds, fondling and moulding them tenderly.

Happiness is seeing my family well.
Happiness is the inner and outer warmth you felt when u received a nice fluffy warm towel after a cold shower.
Happiness equates to a frosted mug of nice chilled beer on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Happiness is talking cock and nonsense with a bunch of ridiculous friends
Happiness is the ability to forget.
Happiness is ignorance
Happiness is being both selfless and selfish

Happiness is the ability to see one’s laughter, feel one’s smile, hear one’s heart, smell one’s emotions and speak with ya own mind.

But are these mere earthy contentment? Perhaps, souplad will never understand….

Souplad will continue to seek……the subtle bittersweet discovery of the unexpected.