Memoirs of an elephant

My fellow colleague told me that the performance appraisal ratings were released. Not that I give a shit to these numbers as I think they are somewhat approved by some armchair-mother-f**kers who has absolutely no idea what kinda sh*t I have to fix and the b**tards I have to deal with.

However, these numbers dictates how much stash a.k.a. bonus I am going to get this April. Hence it’s f**king important. Hypocrite

I feel uneasy.

This uneasy feeling is somewhat nostalgic. I remember I have had this feeling when I was anticipating bad results due to poor exam preparation and other distractions.

This feeling is lousy, not a trace of confidence….. shitty feeling. I abhor.

I am proud. I admit

Greedy. I admit

Stressed. I admit

Excellence is tolerated.

Ain’t healthy, I know. Stressful indeed.

I like being stressed coz I think I thrive when I push myself to the limits. Ecstasy.

I saw my ratings. Pleasant surprise. Ain’t that bad.

Though, my ratings have suffered a 2 notches decrement relative to 2004. I was exceptional in 2004.

Important lessons learnt.

Never let any personal issues affect ya work. Heard these pearls of wisdom umpteen times. But, it takes me quite a while to know what this really means and realise how badly I can be affected. I have paid a price to know it.

I am glad that I learnt this lesson fast.

I know I am cursed with a pink and soft heart as well as a stupid instinctive nature to forgive.

Was told to let go......

yeah.....I have heard and read enough about letting go...

about the pretty-lady-old-monk-young-monk story....Conclusion: I dun mind carry the pretty lady


Come on... U call a prick having a dick memory of an elephant, to let go? WTF!

I can still remember I saw my auntie's TTs in her room when I was two years old.

Sometimes, I wonder ……..Am I really blessed or cursed with an elephant’s memory.