Conversation Freeze Out ..................

I have kind friends and housemates forwarding me and telling me the old-monk-carrying-pretty-lady stories. I have heard and read this story at least a dozen times. Yes, I have read between the lines and I think I understood what my friends are driving at.

Disharmony is common enough in any relationships, be it parent-kid, sibling-sibling, teacher-student, BGRs, husband-wife, friend-friend…..but in my case, it is more tragic. To me, anyway.

I believe the titanic clash between my friend and I is not entirely on our distinct personality; it is something else, I believe. For which we believe neither is to be blame, for which neither has any solution, and for which, personally I think I don’t have any solution either.

It appears to be a tragedy because we or should I say, I…… I feel we could no longer talk freely. This friendship path is never going to be the same. At least…. not now . Though, we have agreed we should not feel any awkwardness when we talk but we knew better that anyone else that the emotional burden that lies underneath the tip of the iceberg is overwhelming. Both of us admit.

It is definitely disheartening to hear that from a friend. Perhaps, I am already very self-centered to think like this. But this is an IN-YOUR-FACE fact…. the fact that there is innate discomfort and emotional burden sitting on our shoulders.

These days we did not spend so much time talking or updating each other about what’s going on, in each other’s life. Drinking beer and chatting in KOPITIAM till late have became things of past. We can communicate and talk whatever comes to our mind. What comes to mind usually is whatever we have been thinking and doing for the day. It can be anything under the sun…..places we have visited, people, workplace scumbags, ambitions, childhood days, my past relationships, family, siblings, what’s in the news… ya da ya da……conversation just naturally builds pleasantly.

Recently, whenever our taboo topic has been on my mind, the building of the conversations stops. The conversation no longer moves forward. There is a silence and a break in continuum. The feeling is as though one is just on the critical verge of letting off a earth-shattering HA CHOO………….HA HAAA HA……… The urge to sneeze is suddenly gone…….GONE! Anticlimax!

The feeling is also just like two old friends, a catholic and protestant were boozing, enjoying life and the subject of abortion and the use of condoms somehow came up….Industrial-strength-freeze-out!

Naturally, when I discover something like that, it is as though I have found a tooth with missing filling. I can never leave it alone. I have to poke and work around it, push on it, think about it, not because it’s enjoyable but because it’s on my mind and I cannot suck it out of my mind.

And the more I talk about it, and push on the taboo subject, the more irritated my friend gets, and of course that make me want to push all the more. There is no intention to irritate the hell of out my friend (I swear) but because I believe, the irritation seems symptomatic of something deeper, something under the peripheral that is obviously not apparent.

When we talk about abortion what blocks it and freezes it out is that it’s not a matter of innocent lives lost, unprotected sex being argued. That’s mere peripheral. What’s hidden underneath the tip is a conflict of faith, of faith in empirical social planning versus faith in the authority of God as revealed by the teachings of the catholic church.

I am seeking to understand what lies underneath that tip…………………………………………………….