tip of an iceberg

Last sat, I suggested to meet and chat.

Nope … we were not drinking beer this time.

The start of the conversation was difficult but the awkward silence was quickly overcame by me asking some cliché questions pertaining to work. Deep within me, I thought this was rather pathetic. I had to resort to ask these stupid cliché questions.

I could feel that we were really tied up in knots inside. I was pre-occupied with my views and my friend had his way of handling things. After all had happened which turned both of us into monsters inside, honestly, we just got very paranoiac and stressed about each other.

Anyway, cliché work updates and topic of his forthcoming adventure seemed to loosen the weird atmosphere up. Every word uttered was in a casual la-la tone. We tried hard to listen and to sustain the conversation. Then the block came again; I brought up the taboo topic, insisting an explanation and seek what lied underneath the tip of that whole damned titanic crash.

Total freeze out!

So this is my friend. I could fart and holler till I’m hoarse and I still would not make an impression on his skull. After some pseudo-calm exchange on the taboo subject, his eyes went completely glassy and attempted to look away by checking his mobile phone. He didn’t want to hear about it at all. And the more I tried to fart and fathom about it, the more irritated he got and the more frustrated I am.

Warning me that he was expecting some guests, we had to rush and close the subject. I was pretty pissed initially as I thought we could have put off to a later date rather than rushing the conversation with occasional rude look-aways and obvious distracted eyes.

My friend is not very stubborn, not narrow-minded. In fact, I seemed to be the narrow minded one in this situation. He is definitely not stupid. In fact, I always think he is much smarter in some ways, in some weird ways that I find myself stupid. Anyway, I believe we are both kind and smart. Unfortunately, we have conflict of interest thereby resulted us not seeing eye to eye in that taboo subject.

We knew there was no easy explanation and so the subject was still left suspended in the air, a kinda conundrum the both of us had given up on because there was no sense in just going round and round looking for an answer that’s probably not there.

I knew.

I understood.

I was not seeking for an answer.

I was all along seeking what’s underneath the tip of that titanic iceberg.