Battery or assalt

I was asked to kill and cook the two traumatized eels.

Aiks. The last time I kill eels was about three or four years back. It was a rough experience. I was scared. Honest

Now, I am still scared.

To kill an eel quickly..... u have to grab the eel by its head and BANG it on the kitchen top... or slap its head with a chopper's side.

I don't think I can batter the daylights out of the pair

I am thinking another easier way to do it. Salt them.

Dump a few spoonfuls of salt and ensure the pot containing the eels are securely covered.

Yes.... eels do struggle. Violently.

My sadistic housemates, friends and the traumatized Mango

Never, never let your friends know what freaks you out.

That’s what I have learnt last night. Witnessing Mango yelling and scrambling for cover after realizing an innocent looking pot of dessert turn out to be his worst nightmare.

Yes… two snake-like slimy eels scared the daylights of Mango. Sorry mate…. I was part of your ting tong housemates’ plan. I admit that dessert-pot decoy was my idea. Muah hahaha

Happy Birthday Mango… I think the eels are equally tramatised by a bunch of siao ting tongs.

Chilli Padi Tai Tai

Perfect strangers.

Cliché Hi and Bi.

CL and I hardly know each other well when are still chemical-engineer-wannabes some 7 years back, and we had not seen each other since she had decided to become a tai-tai, but we met for dinner recently, and over 2 pints of beer, we digress.

She said: “You are still u. As stupid as before. Stop being nice, for goodness sake. You have not come out of your shell –the seemingly strong invulnerable cancerian shell that protects the hidden pathetic soft core.”

I was pretty amused by her same old cliché horoscopic claims.

"You've put on some weight though you seemed well-groomed. You actually bother to leave a sheen on your shoes. Sadly, not in your eyes”

I reciprocated with a proper, polite smile.

“Can u be serious and stop showing that pair of dimples, will you?”

“Ok.” I utter apologetically.

"Get a life. Go meet somebody who will give you the heights and…….bring you to the brink of catastrophe… the breaking point. Experience that then you know you have found the one.” CL admonished like my primary-five-science-teacher.

“Wait a minute”. I interrupted, impolitely.

“U are still so chilli padi…”

I was immediately greeted with a pinch.

It was my feeble attempt to divert her attention.

She was distracted.

I have never told her about the series of unfortunate events that took place in my early twenty-something and I am not prepared to tell her the recent turmoil where I was pushed to the breaking point.

I am sorry CL, but I have already pre-occupied myself with the thoughts of you being you and you being a tai-tai couldn’t possibly be bothered by the past. You are not a “past” person, not to mention u hated history. Ha ha.

The rest of the night was spent downing another 2 pints and hearing her life as a tai-tai.

Nope… she plays no mahjong.

Honestly… I miss her pinching me.....*smirk*

Be Nice

I thought she has totally given up on me last weekend. Brain dead.

She has suffered a series of major strokes and 2 major operations for the past 2 years. I actually felt quite sorry for the careless rough knocks she has to endure.

Lifeless pitch black.......despite my desperate efforts to revive her.

I guess I have to leave her alone over the weekend. She needs a break from me. Some peace. Some rest.

Latitude, I promise to be nice. Promise.