There is no free lunch

I am not done for the day yet. The URGE is so strong, so intense and tremendous.

None of my lunch buddies are available to lunch with me this afternoon because they are having free lunches. This leaves me lunching quietly in my office listening to…..… ”SUPERMAN”

I am pretty happy and comfortable with myself albeit my inconsistent memory and sense of direction. I think I can remember events very well. Sometimes I am even taken aback that I can still remember activities and conversations probably backdated to when I was still a mischievous impish 2 year old menace .

Paradoxically, I also think I have the lousiest short-term-memory. I takes my 3 days to a week to write a cheque to pay for my bills. So it is very typical of me to carry the cheque on my way to work and exclaimed “ damn! The cheque” when I reach home at the end of the day. Jotting down in notebooks using prominent color pens and hi-lighters as well as setting reminder alarms using my mobile phone are just plain useless.

I think everyone has their own unique natural gift and sometimes we wonder whether we are blessed or are we cursed. I have benefited greatly from this ability during my academic years as well as my current job. If I make an attempt to memorize, I can remember ridiculously the conversations during meetings, conversations with boss and colleagues, document codes, brief contents of the documents and sometimes even the authors!

You see….. there is no free lunches in this world, on one hand, you are completely blessed with an unusual innate capability on the other hand, it turns out to be a terrible curse as people starts to get weary of you.

I can’t help but to feel amused. Should I feel guilty? Well… sometimes this innate capability of mine has caused people to think less of themselves and making them feel burdened. This is so insane….. Having good memory is a precious gift for me but sometimes was regarded as a treacherous, satanic tool that I am born with it. Ha!

This is insane

Frankly, I don’t know how am I supposed to handle this dilemma. But I am pretty sure that I am sick of feeling bad and guilty. I believe there is no way to respond without sounding or worse, displaying a false sense of humility. Maybe I should feel grateful just the way I am as my friend has commented “it is so hard to be you”.

Yes, buddy

“It’s not easy to be me”

BTW, have I started to talk about my sense of direction? hehehe

Daydreaming Superman

For once my outlook calendar empty. No meetings! It is a blue moon affair. Without any hesitation, I tell myself that I am going to spend the rest of the day idling.

Daydreaming has always been my favorite hobby when I was little and I believe daydreaming will remain as one of my favourite pastime. I find it exceptionally challenging when I attempt to do it discretely during a meeting. The feeling of your mind slowly drifting away in absolute freedom is unbelievable. People sitting around you starting to have funny faces, your boss starts to dance and I started to punch the daylights out of that jerk or b***h. Juvenile it may seem, I always find daydreaming a very effective way to amuse myself during a boring meeting. = ) Sitting alone in my office now, I simply refuse to pick up another protocol to review although today is the deadline.

I think writing and daydreaming complement each other. I like to daydream and I like write. However, I believe I have been cursed with a long-winded soul and paradoxically, a very willful mind.

It is pretty common and easy for me to think of several topics and events almost simultaneously. However, I find it very difficult to pen down all these thoughts. Right now, I am concurrently thinking of

 an old Cantonese song someone forwarded to me last night (she has a special preference for songs…songs that she could barely understand. These songs are almost always Japanese, Korean, Cantonese, and any language that are foreign to her. A unique individual….)
 organizing a dumpling wrapping activity this coming or the next weekend
 getting my dad a shirt or a pair of pants
 planning a budget proposal for a camp
 bbq to be held end this month or early next month etc
 “Superman” one of my fave

P.S: these are easily 20% of what I am thinking right now, they simply whizzes across my mind mercilessly without allowing me to anchor properly on them

Superman (it’s not easy) has been my favorite song for almost 5 years. Perhaps it will always be my favorite song. It may not be the best song ever written and performed by Ondrasik -- Five for Fighting as I believe he will continue to outwrite and outperform many bands.

I absolutely adore this song. I've probably heard it umpteen times in the last 5 years, and I have never once grown tired of it because the words and passion of love and life depicted in this song are echoes to my heart.

You may not appreciate as much as I do. But this song has spoken to me for the last 5 years and it probably has reminded and helped in some ways or another at some point of my life.

*************************************
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird...I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd...but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won't you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It's all right...You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy...or anything...

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.
*******************************************


Wasn’t I long winded?

Quiet Monday

Monday has always been a quiet day for me. After a game of routine tennis and a quick dinner, I will try to watch some TV. I was originally going to see my friend who just got married last Saturday. However, they are busy surfing the net booking their hotels for their honeymoon in Europe!

While, I wanted very much to pass them some small Euro notes and coins for their trip, I was also glad that I have sometime to myself. I needed a break. Desperately. I believe I needed the downtime to get some really good relaxation and do some housekeeping within me.

Recently, I got myself two books, namely “Catch 22 – Joseph Heller” and “LiLa – Robert . M. Prisig” 2 weekends ago. I have started on “LiLa”. What can I say? I am trying to read another philosophical book (It took me almost 5 years to complete “ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” – authored by the same guy). I don’t know how long will I take to finish this. I will litter this blog with some of the interesting excerpts in future.

The past few months, I have been feeling very stagnated with occasional emotional storms. It seemed that my personal stress was accumulating under the stagnated me. I feel like I have not done anything pertaining to the turmoil, I am currently enduring And I'm not entirely sure why am I feeling stressed. Is it just a lack of faith, confidence? Is it a mere lacked of self –discipline.

I know I was very self-discipline. But, lately I am losing my sanity, my self-discipline. Like now, I am complaining and whining. Maybe I just need to complain and whine so that I can get these things off my head. I knew such destructive behaviors are not helping me to solve the problem.

I need to get my stuffs moving in the right direction again. I am yearning for that day.

I need to sleep.

That's My Style

I was running late this morning.

I hurried past a guy who seemed to be hogging the path leading to the MRT station. I noticed that he was wearing a black shirt………. inside out.

"Hey, u wear your shirt inside out" I said. He looked at his shirt and was taken aback.

I continued to walk and could not be bothered with his thank you. Suddenly, I heard, "that's my style".

Good Grief!

A ridiculous morning!