There’s a hole in my sidewalk

Rainy. U have been here for 3 mornings this week.

As predictable as it may seem, my collegues have kindly turned down my sms breakfast call because of your visit. I paused and wonder why do I sent out the sms invitation since I knew almost with 99.999% certainty that my collegues are allergic to u.

Something whizzes through my mind as I walked with u.

There’s a hole in my sidewalk -- Porta Nelson

I walk down a street and there's a big hole. I don't see it and fall into it. It's dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to find my way out. It's not my fault !

I walk down the same street. There's a big hole and I can see it, but I still fall in. It's dark and hopeless and it takes me a long time to get out. It's still not my fault.

I walk down a street. There's a big hole. I can see it, but I still fall in. It's become a habit. But I keep my eyes open and get out immediately. It is my fault.

I walk down a street. There's a big hole. And I walk around it.

I walk down a different street.

Despite the prowess you have shown this morning, I made my way to have my breakfast.

It sucks.

I mean the breakfast.

To give and to take.

Backdated to a few decades, volunteerism and philanthropy is evident among this immigrant- society. Does names like Lee Kong Chein, Tan Kim Seng sounds familiar to you? For the past 15 years, I have noticed there is a constant drive to promote and educate our folks on volunteerism and philanthropy. Overseas or Local projects lead by private organizations, missionaries popped like mushrooms over these years.

Building or retrofitting some village or schools in remote places; conserving environment; cultural exchange; medical assistance; helping out in children’s and old folks’ home; promoting sports etc are just some of the typical missions that are carried out in these projects. In recent years, Schools and private institutions have even started to organize short trips and projects for the teachers and students during school vacation. Such efforts in promoting and instilling volunteerism and philanthropy are very commendable. Truly.

The result of such efforts is evident in recent unfortunate incidents that shocked Asia. Some of our folks volunteer while others quietly move mountains of food, medicine and used clothing through Southeast Asia, India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia…etc. Others even travel to some of these remote places to extend their assistance to the general hygiene and health of the young and frail.

Nevertheless, besides getting yourself physically challenged and dirty, there is always another preferred way of contributing to charity. Singaporeans are pretty well known among ASEAN for their generosity in responding to local charity. Stop….wait…. Don’t start yelling. “of course lar… got lucky law (singlish pronunciation of “draw”) …got car and condominium. Some more….. can see some TCS performing flying here and there doing kancheong stunts……..u know?” so Singapore….

I think these charity drives and shows are here to stay for at least another decent decade before they seriously run out of ideas on how to create more “kancheong” stunts. For whatever lame reasons, this way of getting the general public to donate generously in a short period of time has somewhat became part of a singaporean signature.

Though, it seem that this is one the many efficient ways to reach out to your wallet, I am definitely not a fan of such means. Getting my hands dirtied and participates directly remains my volunteering-signature.

Really…I’m really sorry

There are enough “sorry” people in the world and saying sorry a couple of times more doesn’t make one feel pinched within. It’s so convenient. It can be easily uttered shamelessly without any hesitation almost to a certain extent where it has become a standard routine “ten-year series” kinda solution to get away from a situation. However, u will be amazed how creative one can be when in comes to saying sorry.

“Soli lor”
< A typical singlish way of apologizing to a friend over trivial matters. Be sure that the person saying this will repeat this for the same “mistake” he or she makes >

“Sowee Sowee Sowee Sowee Sowee x at least another 50 repetitions…..”
< Seemed to be a desperate attempt to apologise, usually used to pacify a young girl…In short, acting cute>

“Err…I’m Sorry”
< Hesitation, not too sure one is apologizing, but just say to get out off a situation >

“ I am sorry but I think you have also…. ” < an attempt to make the other party say sorry >

“……..” < Speechless, gazed into the party’s eyes thinking he or she knows one is apologizing. >

I am sorry to blog this cynical piece of crap. Think. Just how many times “sorry” has littered over the past the few months of your routine. Be it comes from u or from others. I laughed but I am also increasingly aware of how often I use the phrase “I’m sorry” these days…… be it to get away from a situation as quickly as possible or I am truly very sorry to anyone whom I have hurt.

Sorry is probably the effect of guilt, regret and remorse. It’s also concordant with sadness. In any circumstances, the frustration of feeling sorry yields a certain level of sorrow. It’s interesting to me how guilty I feel; even when others love me unconditionally. I know my parents will still love me. My friends will remain by my side when I needed encouragement.

A demure-looking girl with a pair smooth, fair, ladylike hands clasped both sides of my head to admonish my constant utterance of the statement “ I am sorry for being……..” This is followed by an exclamation “Stop saying sorry idiot”. This is the result of me overusing “sorry”. I almost wanted to say sorry for that constant utterance.

I held back, fearing she will hurt her wrist on her second attempt.

Really…I’m really sorry. Truly.