Nightmare and Air-con

Shit ..

I have the same nightmare again...

This is getting very creepy... Is there somthing wrong with me.....

Anyway, my housemate ask me not to turn on the aircon if I am going to hit the sack.

I was curious. Why aircon? Anything to do with recurring nightmares?

He said he will have nightmares when he turn on his air-con. Air-con cause nightmares.

I was bewildered and believed in what he says for a short while. But knowing him for 6 months already, I knew he will be full of shit sometimes. And BTW, I can't take anybody's words seriously, nowadays.

Perhaps, I will just have my blankets as pyjamas tonight and perhaps I will dream of some boobies tonight.

This is perhaps scarier.....

LA PI XIAO XING

DA XIANG DA XIANG NI DE PI ZHI WEI SHEN ME NA ME CHANG

Two faced, Split Personality, Twin ambiguity……(Part II)

Sometimes, I find myself being two-faced about people and things. I don’t hate my job neither I am passionate about it. I am not finding any excitable challenge in my current job and yet sometimes I have to appear interested and smile (I just do some mind-fucking) in their faces when I am working.

But do I need to put on a smile anytime and anywhere? I know I have a fuckedupface that turns off people. No…..not that I have an acne-filled face, squinty eyes, flaring nostril…..

On serious contrary, Souplad has double eyelids, a pair of thick brows, two big SWEE-WANG-WANG eyes, smooth face, kissable lips and a pair of cute dimples……hmm … like this

The problem is ( well it may not be a problem) I dun smile, always. Nasty remarks like Sibeh tao, Stuck up, unfriendly, fucked-up face, hen-xiong, U-owe-me-5-million-dollar face, accompanied me at least for the last two decades. Haiz….. …

On further thoughts… I realise she (the girl I am trying to forget) has the same problem. She has the dun-mess-around-with-me look when she is not smiling. However, when she smiles….wah… she is like fire…… I am the wax…..Cannot resist man….

Ok back to my fuckedup face. I think I don’t have to smile like a fool whenever I see strangers in the company rite.

“ Dun be so tao lar, at least a nod or a weak smile will do the trick” admonish my colleagues and friends. However I always reply them “I come here to work….. not to MAI SIAO (Mai Siao: another term for prostitutes, geishas coz they always smile to please their customers)”

I have put some thoughts to this … the two-faced thing…. U smile even when u are damn pissed. At the end of the day, what matters most is whether I can accept and adapt to the “double personality” . There is no need to justify or understand why. …. Am I talking some sense here or merely farting last night’s durian.

Friendly Bobby smiling consistently

Two faced, Split Personality, Twin ambiguity……(Part I)

This is not new to anyone, especially in this fast moving society. Can one have two gravely different personalities? Therefore, having two distinctively different groups of interest and maybe being a two-timer.

I believe this is a precarious quagmire of modern pricks and pussies. Forget about the lame excuses of being unsure about one’s desires and wants as well as weaselly reasons of the need and importance of enjoying the present moment…… because, at the end of day, I believe whatever deeds and thoughts that spewed out of these two faced pricks and pussies are purely INTENTIONAL.

These deeds sometimes may intensely affect those pathetic victimised innocent dicks and cunts but some may not........ b’coz EITHER these clever pricks and pussies are mindful and careful about what they do OR the innocent dicks and cunts are purely industrial-grade Dodos.

I don’t know about u but I believe everyone has a fair bit of knowledge of the presence of these pricks and pussies. Be it hearing them from some Chao Kay Pohs or u are one of those two-faced two-timers.

These clever pricks and pussies may seem to be some motherf**king weasels with little or no integrity or moral values. But strangely, I think they are sometimes great teachers about love and hedonism. Don’t get me wrong, I am not promoting promiscuity and betrayal. What I am trying to say is…… sometimes one has to experience some extreme pain and feel hurt before knowing how to love and know what is love.

Dreams

F**k..

I felt I am having the same dream for the past 2 weeks, everyday. And I woke up, frightened, at about the same time 0430.

I think I saw my friend dead.

f**king creepy....s**t.

Peanuts strikes again

I thought the hullabaloo over NKF and peanuts could be put to sleep. I was wrong.

Last night, banana booze showed me this.







I was .... Huh? Wah lao..... Those BARNONE guys are very "ruthless"..... like poking healing wounds.

Anyway, I was amused.

Happiness.

I was told not to depend on others for my own happiness at all. I was told to seek happiness for myself before I can start to hope for opportunities to knock, miracles to happen, and wish of others to co-operate … which sometimes I felt this was perhaps a precarious quagmire as how to accept happiness where there is nothing to begin with.

I am souplad.

I will almost always do something for others which makes them smile and happy rather than doing things that I am happy with. Because I almost always preoccupied with my belief of making others, happy equates to my inner happiness, responsibilities and peace. Maybe that’s my upbringing …for those who know me well enough…. It’s my born responsibility and duty. It not easy to be me for the last decade.

My day will be perfect when I see my pa, mummy, chaey, bros, friends and her smiling. Am I depending on others for my happiness? I am still struggling to understand and currently incline to saying NO.

Should I do something that I am happy with albeit the creation of disturbing ripples to the surrounding? Should I proceed to pursue something that I think I will be happy rather than doing something for others; being mindful of others, which would make them happy… and reciprocatively, I will be happy?

But…. WTF…. Souplad exclaims!….. does that matter? Do I have to spare some brain capacity for these thoughts?

Perhaps selfishness is my innate talent, unaccepted by Souplad …yet still waiting earnestly to be polished, tapped and exploited.

I am happy with what I have written here. Happy with lingering pain. Happy with the playful breeze that slips past the clouds, fondling and moulding them tenderly.

Happiness is seeing my family well.
Happiness is the inner and outer warmth you felt when u received a nice fluffy warm towel after a cold shower.
Happiness equates to a frosted mug of nice chilled beer on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
Happiness is talking cock and nonsense with a bunch of ridiculous friends
Happiness is the ability to forget.
Happiness is ignorance
Happiness is being both selfless and selfish

Happiness is the ability to see one’s laughter, feel one’s smile, hear one’s heart, smell one’s emotions and speak with ya own mind.

But are these mere earthy contentment? Perhaps, souplad will never understand….

Souplad will continue to seek……the subtle bittersweet discovery of the unexpected.